Anti-schadenfreude America

I was at dinner with some investors and founders last night in Copenhagen.

One of them — who will not be named although he was a delightful man — was born in Denmark but lived in San Francisco for several years. He’s now moved back to Copenhagen and was very proudly telling our table about how much better everything is in Denmark compared to the U.S.

Though I am not (yet) American, I felt an urge to defend what I now consider to be my homeland. Instead of arguing with him however, I asked him to explain all of the ways in which his country was better.

“Here in Denmark, we are a society while America is just a country. We actually care about our people.” He went on to explain that the nearly 60% tax rate at the upper limit was justified to make life great for all people, though he did concede — and other folks around the table did chime in at that moment —that it was less motivating for the general population to work hard, be ambitious and attempt to stand out in their achievements as a result. “Most of the value you create goes back to the government.”

“But no matter what, you are taken care of.” Indeed, we learned today from our local tour guide that everything is handled for you. The government pays for her child’s nanny, and should she not use her credits, she receives them in cash. She was very proud of the system, though she was happy to be paid $350 in cash. Everyone bikes around, everyone goes to the same schools no matter their backgrounds. There are lots of utopian elements.

I went on to learn that Danes usually keep to themselves and apparently though most of the people at our dinner had done business together or knew of each other in some way, they had not often met up in person or really “networked.” They seemed to be having a really great time.

Our friend went on:

“When I moved to San Francisco, people would ask me: ‘What do you do? Oh you should meet this person and this person! And this investor can help you too. You should come to their event next week.’ I was suspicious of them: ‘why are you helping me? What’s in it for you?’ And they would tell me that they just want to help. ‘That is America for you. Here in Denmark if you fail with your startup people will laugh and say ‘haha, I told you you were crazy to try this.’ This type of schadenfreude is widely spread here. While in America it’s the opposite. People pull you up and want you to succeed.”

I am quoting this gentleman here / could not invent this if I wanted to.

As someone who is half-French and half-Canadian, I like to think that I am sensitive to the beauty in life on both sides of the pond. Europe feels slow and tender and takes her time with things. America is quick and loud and more brazen. I enjoy getting to have a taste of both.

But at that moment I did very strongly feel — and told my friend when he was done with his tirade — that I had nothing to say because he’d made a wonderful case.

I was very glad to be living in America.